How did I have that much free time at 14

July 5, 2024

I've been looking back at a lot of old animations and art I made when I was younger, and I've found myself yearning for the fervour and energy to create these AMVs and ambitious drawings despite knowing my skill level was not high enough to execute them well. The energy especially, ever since I started a full-time internship about 2 months ago I've found myself completely drained dry and burnt out, I'm just bruteforcing through these past few months to create something, anything at all, to no avail. It saddens me but such is life.

I don't like talking as if I'm ancient, but I'm definitely not 14 and with all the free time in the world anymore, so I probably shouldn't be so hard on myself... right?

I've worked freelance for studios and do commissions, it's not necessarily comparable to my schedule back in highschool, which I guess explains my complete lack of energy and drive to make anything crazy -- it also kind of fuels my fear of making anything different; "Am I really going to exert this much energy on something that won't even turn out good? I could've spent all this time doing commissions, or freelance work, editing my resume, fixing my portfolio, or applying to jobs!"

I kind of went off-topic but I dunno, I guess I just miss feeling energetic about art and animation especially. I wanna look forward to animating and not feeling despair and misery upon drawing 2 lines onto the canvas.