I'm so tired

October 27, 2024

Things haven't gotten better. I feel like I'm just stalling my time. I feel like I'm just trying to distract myself from the fact that I basically screwed up my life permanently. This is my reality now. I can't escape it. Forever miserable, never making or drawing anything I actually like. I'll never be happy with art ever again, I'll just be a working machine fighting the rust, creaking at every movement, anything I do hurts, but what else can I do.

I'm useless if I can't create, I'll die if I don't, and I'll hate myself if I don't. I don't like anything I make, I feel like I'm wasting my time, I feel like my art is worthless now. I'm a coward, a fool, a dumbass. It's all for nothing, all for nothing, there is no joy left in me, nothing feels good anymore. Art hurts me now, that's all it does, it's just painful to me, and it sucks, it used to be what kept me alive through highschool, now I just want to die just thinking about it. But I can't let go either.